Things are overwhelming. 

No one wants to buy the flat. The feedback that we’re getting from any viewings is getting worse and worse. Someone offered us £25k lower than the asking price. We are inevitably going to loose another house. The grace period of 2 weeks is one final instrument of torture. It’s allowing me to keep a glimmer of hope when I know deep down all is hopeless. Our estate agents continue to be as useless as ever. I feel like we had some momentum going when we were being proactive, but we’re started to flag and give up. We’ve already learnt that no one else is going to be proactive for us. It’s just so hard to keep positive and pushing ahead when we’ve been kicked down at every stage of the process.

I don’t feel able to continue providing emotional support for my ex. I know that what happened is truly awful and he must be suffering a lot. But I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. I’m trying to help him but I’m just getting tangled up in it all. As a result I’m still grieving heavily for a girl I didn’t even know. I feel guilty about my part in the whole thing, but I just can’t keep talking about it. But if I don’t try and support him then who else will? What if in turn he decides to take his own life too..?

I’m at loggerheads with a women at work that is just refusing to play nicely. She won’t listen to a single thing I say to her and every time I ask her to do something, she’s simply ignores my instruction and does things her own way instead. I know I need to lay down the law a little bit, but doing it over email while we’re both working from home just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do… So I have another 4 work days to get through before I have to reprimand someone, properly, for the first time. 10% of me thinks that maybe she’s not understanding what I’m asking her to do, that it’s too complicated or I’ve not explained it correctly. But the fact that she’s not once asked for help or clarification, and the fact that she ploughs ahead like she knows it all makes 90% of me think that she’s just got a problem with taking instructions from me. Could it be the age difference? A generational thing? I’m at a bit of a loss at the minute as to how this women can be so stupid and/or rude.

What else is there…. I might have COVID. Waiting on test results. Not feel very well anyway. I’ve not left the house in over a week. My diet is awful. I’m not getting any exercise. I can’t even remember to drink enough water when I’m at home. My friend is taking days at a time to text me back. My mom is being as nosey as ever. My new upstairs neighbour likes to bang around a lot but only at 11pm and 5am. Ugh.

My life is just full of downs, downs and more downs. Where are the ups?

I’ve been in contact with someone that has tested positive for COVID19 so I’m self-isolating for 14 days. 3 days in and it’s even worse than the first lockdown. At least everyone else was in the same position as me last time. I feel like I’m all on my own this time round. 

We’ve had no luck with the house move. Our second lot of buyers pulled out. We will most likely loose another house that we’ve fallen in love with. The viewings on the flat are few and far between.

I feel like I was getting to a good place, with my new role at work, moving through the buying-a-house process fairly well, getting back to the gym and it’s all gone tits up again (:

I’m so excited for this weekend. Granted, it’s not the original weekend I had planned with the ever-changing lockdown rules, but I’ve got some fantastic things planned none the less. 

Treating the people I love is just my favourite thing to do, ever! I can’t wait for J to see everything!! 

Happy weekend xx

sandersstudies:

veganconnor:

things that made me stop wanting to die that require no effort whatsoever

• change the color used to highlight text on your laptop
• move the pictures on your wall
• stack whatever clutter is in your room into piles even if you don’t have time to clean it all
• slightly vary your commute, even just by one street
• change where you sit and scroll aimlessly on your phone even if it’s only to the chair in your room instead of your bed
• drink water or juice out of a wine glass in the morning because nothing is real
• shower with the lights off, without music
• buy $3 flowers at trader joe’s—they look bad next to the more expensive ones but they look so good in your room
• start typing things you don’t post into your notes. your thoughts can be worth documenting even if you don’t deem them worth sharing
• wake up super early just once. you don’t have to make it a habit it’s just extra satisfying to go to bed that night
• listen to the entirety of your favorite album from 2015

Almost all of these are about variety. Humans need stimulation! We need enrichment! We literally cannot do the same thing every day!

The other day I was feeling miserable, so I hopped on a bus and rode it all the way back to where I’d started, and my brain, which had finally had some proper stimulation via new environments, was suddenly ready to go again!

This is why taking walks/drives and trying new hobbies are good for you! Don’t turn yourself into a sad zoo animal! You need some pumpkins to roll around in your enclosure!

(via a-bright-ray-of-sunshine)